June | 2012 | The Nerdly Wife

I was having a think the other day about idols and role models. I realised that all of mine are fictional and apart from Batman (you can’t not include him; he just gets upset) they’re all women taking on roles that would traditionally be done by men. They’re also strong-willed, ass-kicking and downright awesome.

1. Ellen Ripley

She’s had a tough time has Ripley, or “Rippers” as I’d probably call her if she was one of my friends. In 1979 her nice stasis nap was interrupted by a distress call that kicked off another three movies of her (or her almost-descendents) running around trying to stop nasty things from being nasty, but she does it in the most fantastic way ever. She manages to keep the balance between a woman concerned about protecting those around her while coming out on top after every struggle, even beating the menfolk who would normally be portrayed as rescuing the damsels in distress. Pff, we can help ourselves, dammit!

2. Lisbeth Salander

Lisbeth from the Millennium Trilogy is described as a lady who is introverted, asocial, and that she has difficulty making friends. She’s also had a pretty horrible past which probably made her turn out a little squiffy in the head, but she’s also brilliant. She’s a hacker with a photographic memory and an excellent mind for investigation and revenge. Case in point: if your new guardian tortures, rapes and abuses you while withholding your money unless you submit, what do you do? Report him to the authorities or break into his flat, give him a taste of his own medicine and then tattoo the words “I am a sadistic pig, a pervert, and a rapist” on his body?

AND THEN GET AWAY WITH IT??

Lisbeth could certainly do with some nice things happening in her life, and she’s definitely horribly broken, but you have to admire her determination. Also it’s nice to see a lady with a good collection of tech. I approve.

3. Brienne of Tarth

I have to admit I was a little worried about how HBO would portray this feisty lady. My vision of Brienne from the Game of Thrones books was of a woman who, while extremely skilled and loyal to the people she served, perhaps didn’t quite know how to carry herself and felt awkward unless she was wearing plate armour and wielding a sword. That’s exactly what we got in the series. Hooray for good casting! Oh Brienne, let us run around in the woods together teaching lessons to bandits and misogynists. Then we’ll share some ale and make a fire or something.

What do all of these ladies have in common? They’re not real. I’m sure there are ladies out there who are just like the fictional ones I’d adorn my locker door with if I was at an American high school (I watch too many films, don’t I?), but where are they? More to the point, where are WE?

Independent ladies unite! We marry, we find partners, we have families (sometimes), but we’re still our own people with a strong sense of who we are so let’s kick some arse. Grrr!

I turned 30 recently and my big special “Hey you’re 30 now hooraaaay” present from NH was a shiny shiny iPod Touch. I love this little thing. It’s like an iPhone without the phone. Which is great because I can’t really sign up for a new mobile plan right now. Of course one of the first things I did was have a hunt around the App Store for fun games to download and tinker with.

I’m a huge fan of the flash game Pandemic 2 and have lost many hours to the simple aim of wiping out the planet with a disease, so when I found out there was an iOS port and that it only cost 69 pence I grabbed that thing like a… mo… fo. Yeah.

The aim of Pandemic is to develop and nurture a disease and destroy humanity. It’s very simple. You start by choosing your disease class; virus, bacteria or parasite.

Each class has specific traits and symptoms. I’m a fan of bacterial diseases (in a manner of speaking), so let’s go with that category for now.

Next let’s think of a name for our disease. I like to think of names that make me smirk. Hello Kitty Psychosis, Bieber Fever and Itchy Bits have all been winners, but today I think I’ll go with…

30 going on 12 right here.

The game starts and some poor soul has already contracted your hideous disease. Today it started in New Zealand. I’m sorry, New Zealand.

When a country is red, the country is infected. As time progresses and more people become infected the red gets brighter. Once a country is forsaken (everyone’s dead, Dave) it goes dark red. Lights out.

The number in the bottom right corner is the amount of “EvoPoints” your disease has generated. You can spend these on additional symptoms or traits. One difference between 2 and 2.5 is that you don’t unlock tiers of symptoms any more; additional symptoms will become available depending on the length of your disease’s gene sequence. EvoPoints are generated when more people become infected, so it’s a good idea early on to pick symptoms and traits that ensure a quick spread of your disease with mininum visibility.

Once things start getting serious it’s time to get down to business. I like to get the infectivity attribute as high as possible while keeping the visibility and lethality ones low, and then let all hell break loose.

As more countries succumb a vaccine will be developed, although it takes a little time for research and distribution. Will Manic Fapping triumph??

See, your mother was right. Tut tut.

Good Things:

It’s only 69p.
When you’re having one of those “Everyone needs to DIE” moments, this game will let you vent without harming anyone.
Madagascar is no longer super-paranoid. Hooray! Although if you want to play it “old-skool” there’s a game play mode called “Madagascar”.
Experimenting with different symptoms and seeing their effects is pretty interesting.

Not-so-Good Things:

No accelerometer support. It’s a bit of a pain having to scroll sideways to look around the world and it’d be nice to be able to quickly flip the map into landscape view.
Kind of tricky to get the hang of at first unless you’re familiar with the game’s previous incarnations.
The simple graphics and interface might put some people off.

For the price I think this game is a pretty good deal. It’s not the most in-depth game in the world, but as a way to waste a little snippet of time you could do a lot worse. Also, diseases are fascinating! Scary as hell, but fascinating nonetheless.