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WTFcessories

May 13, 2012 by tehren

Gadgets are wonderful little things aren’t they? Everything you need (or just want to play with) can be stored in a device that fits easily into your pocket and you can whip out with only a moment’s notice. What convenience!

As we all know the market for shiny electronic toys has gone bananas thanks to affordable chips, data and labour (*ahem*) and now they’re for everyone, not just yuppies snorting cocaine in a (s)wanky bar in the 1980s while blethering on and on about about the “genius” of Duran Duran into a mobile phone the size of a newborn baby and lighting cigarettes with £50 notes.

Of course with the increased availability of gadgets there is a huge demand for accessories, widgets and gizmos to accompany our phones, tablets, mp3 devices and mobile libraries, and these can range from quite useful and sensible to downright “wtf”.

1. The Dexim DF AppSpeed Monster Truck.

It’s a monster truck that you control with your iPhone or iPad. Why? Is it just to say “Look at what else my glowing fruit device can do!” or is it for people who want to play with monster trucks but don’t want people to take the mickey? Hey, if you want to play with monster trucks, just go for it. They’re cheaper than this waste of plastic.

2. The iPhone SLR lens mount.

Want to make your Instagram shots look awesome before you make them look old? Do you already own a series of SLR lenses and you have too much money? Then this is for you! With one easy payment of $250 dollars you too can attach your Canon or Nikon lenses to your iPhone and shoot like the pros don’t.

Of course, you need the lenses first, and I don’t know many people who just have loads of lenses lying around without a camera to use them with, so why not just stick with that? You also have to carry the lenses around with you which would necessitate the use of, say, a camera bag. You know what else you can carry around in a camera bag? Oh yeah!

3. Aspire ePillow for Tablets.

Lying on the sofa and playing with consumer durables is hard wooork :( If only cushions existed so we could prop them up a bit while still remaining comfortable!

This thing costs £40. Maybe using a pillow or a scabby old sofa cushion that you already own wouldn’t be in keeping with the aesthetic of your gadget, but come on.

4. The OhMiBod.

(This is a bit rude)

I have no words. Actually I do. Those words are “NO. DO NOT WANT.”

Seriously people, we’re in a recession as it is. Just be happy with what you’ve already got.

Posted in Nattering | Tagged | Leave a Comment »

Funtography 3 – The 100 Step Challenge

May 8, 2012 by tehren

I don’t know whether it’s because the weather has been rubbish or that I picked up The Most Annoying Cold in the World Ever™, but I’ve been in a total rut for a good couple of weeks. Usually during my non-working/conscious/default time I’m all about the funtography/bonkers ideas/thinking about popular culture figures in silly hats, but this week… meh.

To remedy this and start to get back on form, I turned to the internets for ideas. After a quick hunt around I found 10 Ways to Break Photographer’s Block on Pixiq and my interest was piqued. I decided to give it a go and see about working my way through the list starting with The 100 Step Challenge on my walk to work this morning.

Well I did it, and I’d like you to accompany me on my morning commute. I don’t live too far from my workplace so there are only 13 photos, but come along anyway. Bring your own iPod (other musical devices are available) though, I like to listen to nice tunes as I wander.

100: I can see my house flat from here! If I was on the other side of the building anyway:

200: The little ivy that could:

300: A Gurdwara is a Sikh temple. There’s one just next to my building and they’re currently building a larger one. It’s always full of bright colours:

400: A lady on a bike!

500: Moss seems to like cement:

600: That’s a pretty good price for a giant breakfast:

700: …Bloody handprints? Let’s move on, shall we?

800: This is nicer. The cherry blossoms are staring to drop now but they’re still pretty:

900: Just in case you forgot you’re in Britain:

1000: Gosh. Somebody doesn’t like opaque glass:

1100: Aww, a poor lonely raindrop-bejewelled Coke can :( Who’s drinking Coke at 7.45am anyway? That’s not good for you:

1200: An informative sign! Sort of. The directions are a bit general:

1300: This lock looks a bit O_o :

And there we go.

I have to say, while it was fun to count my steps, stop dead when I hit 100 and just snap something, I found it hard to shake my desire to find the best possible angle and take multiple snapshots to make sure they came out all right, but I think it works best when you don’t tinker too much. The key is in finding something where you’re standing and making it into a photograph rather than stressing out too much about the quality.

I also managed to get to work on time, so it’s a fun little game you can play without taking up too much of your day if you’re already going to be walking somewhere. Give it a go :)

Bonus final snapshot for hitting 100 just as I stepped into work:

The mornings are never kind.

Posted in Piccies | Leave a Comment »

The Walking Dead Game: Episode One

April 27, 2012 by tehren

Well then. I’ve just finished the first episode of The Walking Dead game. As games based on currently popular media go I think they did pretty well with this one. It’s made up of five “episodes”, and the first was released on 24th April through Steam for PC and Mac, XBLA, PlayStation Network and will eventually arrive on iOS in the summer. That should be strange.

You play as Lee, who likes to pull this face a lot:

Lee has a shady past, but deep down he’s probably a good guy. Lee loves meeting new people.

Anyway. Unlike The Walking Dead comic or TV show this all takes place at the very start of the Zombocalypse, so while Ranger Rick wakes up after civilisation has fallen over, you get to experience it having it’s very first wobble. Your job is to survive, meet new friends (some of whom are still alive), and try and find your family in Macon.

Macon. Huh. I hope I’m not alone in this but when I hear the name of a place that I don’t know I like to make up a little bit of background for it. Macon rhymes with “bacon”, so I decided early on that it was a place full of pig farms with its own line of bacon products. They’d be called Macon Bacon, which is a bit rude so the logo would be a winking pig.

I’m not sure about the apostrophe. It works in context but it could be confusing for consumers who don’t snigger at stupid things.

Sorry, where was I..?

Oh right. The game plays very much in the “choose your own adventure” style, and you have different dialogue options that can change people’s perceptions of you or push the story along. One of the main outcomes of the game so far seems to be to get the other characters to trust you, but as you have a bit of an iffy backstory it can be tricky deciding which dialogue choices to use. I’ve been playing as a reserved good guy for now, so I’ll check up on people and make sure they’re feeling ok, but I’m also taking care not to reveal too much about myself. So far it seems to be going quite well; little girls think I’m a hero, some guy with a mullet thinks I’m great, and some cantankerous old dude punched me in the face. Well, you can’t win them all.

The graphics are very much keeping with the comic book; facial features are quite exaggerated and everything has that strange outlined effect. At first it was a little weird, but it works really well. After all it’s a game of the comic, not the TV series. This might mean that people expecting a mega-actiony-zombie-shooty-in-head-and-run-fest will be disappointed, but there are plenty of games like that already and some of them aren’t half bad! (hello, hello there, oh hello!)

I think the best way to approach The Walking Dead The Game is to look at it as an immersive comic book rather than an actual game (in the traditional sense). There are plenty of game-like bits but they all lead to what seems to be a set outcome, albeit an outcome influenced by a decision you made a little while earlier. Quite often in order to get from point something to point wherever you need to complete a series of objectives, which aren’t always obvious so you have to do some trundling about and talking to people which detracts from the “holy crap there are zombies just outside the door omg” feeling a bit.

So really, I don’t have any strong feelings one way or the other. I’m interested to see how the story pans out and think it’s a novel idea for a game, but the action often goes from nonexistant to pants-wettingly intense within five seconds.

Mind you the same can be said for the comic… and the TV show… Ohhh I see. No, I like it. Play it! Go on.

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Your Next Stop: The Twilight Zone. Mind the Gap!

April 19, 2012 by tehren

I don’t think there’s a single soul aged over 13 who hasn’t heard of The Twilight Zone. My first exposure to the series came from a series of adverts in the 80s selling wheat-based snacks coated in Marmite-like goo, but even in those days I somehow knew what it was referencing (skip to 1:42 unless you want to see some awesome cheesy ads).

Even though I’ve seen snippets and the odd episode over the years, I’ve never really sat down and properly watched it. I decided this needed to be remedied, so we have in our possession the first two seasons. At 30+ episodes per season it’s going to be a bit of an epic journey, but some things are worth the effort.

TTZ was created by Rod Serling, who was actually a bit of a legend (seriously, read his Wikipedia entry, the man  fought in the Pacific, tested parachutes and was an anti-war activist). The pilot aired on 2nd October 1959, which was ages ago. I don’t know if it was standard practice to show an episode to potential sponsors with a nice little intro summarising the programme, but this pilot had one. Through the magic of Windows Movie Maker and YouTube I present it to you thusly:

(That’s my first ever upload to YouTube. I hope you’re touched.)

I quite like that intro. As soon as Mr Serling says “Gentlemen…” you’re already back in time. Doesn’t he have a brilliant voice? I’d quite happily listen to him telling me the world was about to end, as long as he was wearing a suit and holding a cigarette. It’d be strangely soothing if a little bit air pollution-y.

The pilot begins with a man wandering around wearing overalls who decides to pop into a diner for a little something. It doesn’t take long before he realises that he’s totally alone. I won’t go into any more detail than that because it’s a pretty good episode, but even though it’s almost 53 years old it’s a timeless story. The human need for at least a little bit of companionship is still with us, even though we like to think we’re a lot more advanced these days (hint: we’re not).

I think one of the things that I really like about TTZ is that even though the sets, language and props aren’t something we see or use in 2012, the basic stories will never age. Especially because, as Mr Serling says, the Twilight Zone lies between the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge. No matter how far we advance technologically and culturally, we won’t be rid of our basic primal fears and superstitions for a long time.

Posted in Nattering, Viewage | Tagged | Leave a Comment »

Tofu Appreciation Society

April 10, 2012 by tehren

Oh tofu. To think that for years I thought you were just a useless off-white blob with no flavour or substance, but I have been drawn in by your charms. Ok, so it starts as an off-white blob with very little flavour, but that’s part of the tofu magic. Beef tastes of beef, chicken tastes of people, lamb tastes of fluffy woolly critters frolicking in a spring meadow, but tofu can taste of anything you damn well please. It’s a customisable dish! Pretty much.

I’m not a vegetarian or vegan, but I enjoy variety and meat can be bloody expensive. It’s far more economical (and healthy…) to get as much of your nutritional needs as possible from fruit, vegetables, oils and whole grains, but humans also need protein. Lentils and other legumes are fine and very tasty with the right recipes and a bit of creativity, but tofu has something a little more special. It has a wonderful habit of absorbing the flavours you’re cooking with so you can make delicious protein-filled nuggets of wonder. Tofu is also low in fat, low-calorie, high in protein and high in iron. All of that good stuff.

I cooked with tofu tonight, and I’m going to share my favourite healthy-ish recipe with you. It’s very simple and takes no time at all to prepare, but it’ll easily satisfy two people and it’s pretty righteous too:

Oh The Burning, The Burning Is Love, Ow My Mouth Noodles (with Tofu):

Ingredients:

  • 2 bundles/servings of noodles. I like Clearsping organic udon, personally. I find that fully whole wheat noodles can disintegrate and are better suited for cold dishes (omg cold soba… nyom…) but semi whole wheat udon is a little more resilient.
  • 1 red onion, chopped.
  • 1/4 savoy cabbage, roughly chopped.
  • 2 carrots, sliced.
  • 4 spring onions, chopped.
  • 150g tofu, drained and pressed.
  • About 1 tbsp of grated or finely chopped ginger.

For the awesome sauce of awesome:

  • 2 tbsp mirin (Japanese rice wine).
  • 2 tbsp soy sauce.
  • 2 tbsp hot chili sauce (I’m on a Sriracha kick at the minute so I use that, but any old chili sauce will do).
  • 1 tbsp water.

NOW IT’S TIME FOR MAGIC!

1. To begin with you need to prepare your tofu for cooking. Pat it down with some kitchen roll and slice. Place the slices on top of a layer of kitchen roll on a chopping board, add another layer of kitchen roll, then place either another chopping board or a baking tray (anything flat and large enough to cover your tofu slices) and weigh it down with a heavy pot or book. I like to use a copy of The Oxford Companion to the Photograph because it’s just the right size and a good weight. It’s also an interesting book to flick through, which is handy. Leave the tofu to be squished for at least ten minutes. The more you leave it the more water will be squeezed out and the firmer the texture will be.

2. While that’s happening chop your vegetables and make your sauce. Keep the sauce to one side for now and stir it well.

3. Once your tofu has been squished enough, heat about 1 tbsp sesame oil in a wok or frying pan. Either chop the tofu some more (I like to make little squares of about 2cm) or throw it into the pan as it is. Cook the tofu until it turns golden brown.

4. While the tofu is browning start cooking the noodles according to the instructions on whatever manufacturer’s packaging you’re using.

5. Add the ginger to the pan with the tofu and fry for a couple of minutes. Add the vegetables (except the spring onions) and keep things moving so you don’t end up with burnt bits. Cook until the carrots start to go tender.

6. Drain your noodles once they’re cooked. Add the cooked vegetable and tofu mixture to the noodle pan, and toss everything together with the sauce. If you’re lucky enough to have an operational wok, just add the noodles to that. Once the sauce thickens a bit, remove from the heat and serve. Sprinkle the spring onions on top as a delicious garnish.

7. Enjoy!

I was planning to take some photos to accompany this entry, but unfortunately my hunger made me impatient. I can tell you that it looks very pretty with all of the different colours from the vegetables and spicy sauce, and it tastes even better, but I guess you’ll just have to take my word for it.

Posted in Fuds, Nattering | Tagged , , | Leave a Comment »

The Little Things (That Need to Go Away)

March 27, 2012 by tehren

A little while ago I posted an entry about the small things that give me little moments of glee. Today I’m going to write about some of the small things that give me little moments of despair or “wtf”.

1. Live-tweeting a TV show or film every time something happens or every single minute (unless your name is Baratunde Thurston and you’re hate-tweeting Twilight).

Twitter is a huge beast that stretches across oceans, borders, continents and languages. It can be used to share important news items, give up to date information about something happening RIGHT NOW, let your pals know what you’re up to, or just link people to interesting articles or bits of Internet fodder. If you use Twitter you’ll know that sometimes a news feed is slow, and sometimes you can barely keep up.

What Twitter does not need is an endless stream of “That guy fell down #comedyfilm”, “omg his trousers split #comedyfilm”, “Ha that’s his boss! #comedyfilm” or “Watching something on a UK-only TV channel that isn’t relevant to 99% of the world but I’m going to do this every minute for an hour”. There’s no need, really. You can easily say in two or three tweets what you blether in 50.

2. Going to a concert wearing the band’s shirt.

Isn’t it enough that you paid for a ticket, turned up at the venue, paid an extortionate amount of money for a small beverage and are willing to be treated like cattle so you can see one of your favourite bands live? If it’s a weekday night you’re also going to be going to work the next day with your ears still ringing and stomach churning from nasty venue food. That’s enough dedication. I know that humans are still very primitive in a lot of ways and that includes wanting to belong to a tribe and informing others of your loyalties and interests. That’s fine if you’re into that sort of thing, but you’re here to have a good time with people from similar tribes so just relax, yeah? You’re only going to get beer and sweat all over yourself anyway, so why risk ruining an expensive shirt?

3. Not saying “please” or “thank you” to staff in shops/restaurants/anywhere.

Retail workers are people too! Weren’t you ever taught basic politeness? If someone does something nice for you, even if it’s their job, don’t be a dick.

4. People getting annoyed by things that don’t directly affect them.

Touché. We’re all only human :)

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The Funtography Adventure Continues

March 24, 2012 by tehren

Isn’t it funny that we focus so much on the sharpness, brightness and quality of images that a camera or smartphone camera can produce and then spend additional time (and often money) making our crystal-clear images look old and knackered?

I know how to develop rolls of film in a darkroom and use bits of cardboard on sticks and other hodge-podged tools to create nice effects, but I think the advent of affordable, accessible technology has made me hunger for quick and easy solutions. Sometimes I worry that all of this convenience has damaged my attention span and made me impatient, and I start feeling sad for the loss of the old ways and then I remember that I’m not even 30 yet so shut up.

ANYWAY. I have an Android phone. I’d get into the reasons why I prefer Android over iOS, but I don’t wanna. The camera isn’t the best (which is fine, I’m not expecting it to replace my DSLR or a decent compact), but I enjoy playing with photo apps to make snapshots look a little bit more special. They do veer into the realm of hipster quite a bit, but it’s nice to have choice. Sometimes you want perfectly clear photos, sometimes you want to make something look old.

Instagram is absolutely huge and seems to be the most popular photo tinkering and sharing app out there, but for now it’s only available for iOS products. They say it’ll be coming to Android “soon”, but you know, short attention span… I want my fix now. I found what I wanted from Retro Camera, but it does restrict you to five types of old skool cameras and you can’t add more filters or do additional tweaking to photos. For on-the-fly stuff it’s a great little app, but sometimes you want to play around a little more.

Pix: Pixel Maker is a new photo-tinkery app from Team ColonO (ew..?) in Korea. It boasts 30 photo filters, 24 film layers (or effects) and 16 different frames to make your images sparkle. Literally too, if that’s what you want. I downloaded it this morning and decided to have a play around with one of the random photos stored on my phone.

When you open the app it shows a simple starting screen offering you the option of capturing a photo with your camera or choosing an existing one from your gallery:

Very simple. I like it! I decided to use a hi-res photo from one of last year’s wanders around my local park to start with.

When your photo loads into the app, you can start playing around with filters. The menu buttons don’t have text, but the ones at the bottom go “Filters”, “Film Layers/Effects”, “Frame”. The star lets you save a combination of effects and other options as favourites, and the lightning bolt is the randomiser function.

I started off by sharpening the image. You can do this up to three times (the app will let you apply up to three filters at any one time) and it’s pretty effective:

Swans are spooky, right? Let’s get a spooky filter on there. There is one called “Horror”, but I choose “Nightfall” to retain the orange of the swan’s beak.

I’ve got space for another filter if I want it, but I think it looks ok as it is so it’s time to move on to film effects. There are loads of these things, and they actually look pretty good. I’m not sure what you’d use some of them for, but I guess that’s why they give you so many so that you can arse around and experiment.

Hm, nah. A bit further along you have options to make your photos look like they’ve been scuffed up with scratches, ink splotches or textures.

Frames next. Keeping with the scruffy theme I chose a  rough-edged one, but they also have floral, fancy and standard, or you don’t have to add a frame at all.

Hit the plus symbol in the top right to bring up the additional options to save your photo. I hit the Home button by accident but the little warning made me smile so I took a screenshot of it.

 :O

The end result:

There are also options to share your jazzed-up snapshots through Twitter or Facebook, which is handy. I also decided to test a photo from my phone’s camera, and I’m quite pleased with how it turned out:

This is using the “Horror” filter. It was really foggy this morning and made everything a bit Silent Hill, so I think it was an appropriate filter to use.

So yeah, I think this is a worthy app. It does require more time to fiddle with photos to get them looking as you want, but if you’re used to fiddling in Photoshop (other software is available) then hunching over your phone to do the same isn’t too big of a leap. I’m impressed with the variety of options available and the simplicity of the application, and for something that is free (FREE!) I think it’s definitely worth a look.

Posted in Apps n' Things, Nattering, Piccies | Tagged , | Leave a Comment »

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